welcome.
willkommen.
benvenuto.
menyambut.
歓迎.
Welcome to my blog, a place crafted due to the affects of bedroom boredom, anything to help these days pass by and turn my reminiscence into writing.
You can expect a lot of photography, small words and bad grammer but most of all, stories about me, a naive, dead-end village boy from England's least interesting countryside who spent all his money travelling and wouldn't change it for the world.
May 2019
New Zealand with Jaden.
recommended listening: Palace - Life After/ album, So Long Forever/album
Last year I left Sydney in May to escape it's sad winter season and felt that called for a road trip. Jaden and I had never been to New Zealand, not many have I suppose. Part of me thinks sharing this tale is pointless because I'll never know how to do the Island any justice whatsoever. It was one of those trips that while you are on them, you don't understand how impactful the those couple weeks will be on your life, but when it's all over and you find yourself sat staring out of your bedroom window again, it hits hard.
The four months prior to the trip I was saving my money up as hard as I could which had a small impact on the enjoyment I was having in Sydney however I knew I had no choice. Our plan was to road trip New Zealand's south island for two weeks, fly to Bali for a three week beach intake and back to Australia. I was nervous because I knew how much trips actually cost and I had no backup savings to ease my mind. That being said, I had spent enough time in Sydney by the time it was New Zealand so I was excited to put all my eggs in one basket and give everything I had to this trip.
Before we begin, make sure you've got a brew by your side made the way you like or a glass of your favourite Pinot Noir, whatever helps lose yourself in a good story, with a slow backing track to really set the scene.
I finished my last shift at Hotel Ravesis, it was a Sunday night and if I remember rightly, we were heavily over staffed and the boys had discovered how to play our own music on the downstairs bar speakers. If only the owner (also a jazz musician) could see his venue pumping out Fisher and Patrick Topping. The time had come to clock off and see my goodbyes, the thought of packing all my belongings when I got home at 1am from that shift was daunting, I never learn.
This was to be the last moment I ever spend in the flat. It was three minutes from Bondi Beach and amazing. Bill and Kyle had already moved out, leaving Nick and I as the last remaining residents. Alex was there too but he was a short term casual resident. I think that the beginning of our adventures have such an important part to play. In the moment we have no idea what's to come, my life was about to go from a mellow beachy haze with all I needed on my doorstop to an eye-opening, challenging yet beautiful edition to my lifetime of memories.
Not to mention it was all fun as, just trying to build a little suspense here.
After packing all my things into a 65L bag, dumping my bed frame and mattress outside the flat block (it's a Sydney thing) I called an Uber to drop me at Jaden's flat down the down. It was about 1:30 am and all I wanted to do was sleep but we had to leave for the airport shortly. It's times like these that are kinda weird, I always imagined my last ever time in Sydney to be magical like the ending to Disney film, but in reality it's never like that. I can't think how many times my last hours in the place have been in the strange hours of the day, sleep deprived and with that sort of cold eerie feeling. Kinda cool though, takes all the sentimental faff about it away and keeps you on your toes for the next adventure.
The flight was perfect, Emirates for six odd hours and the biggest tv screen I've seen in front of my seat ever and a film selection better than Netflix. Totally fucked it and slept through the whole flight didn't I. Christchurch airport was everything I imagined, quite small, calm and clean. We brought a sim card for my phone, not gunna lie though I was nervous to use my phone which would die at 90% in the cold as the reliable source of navigation and communication, especially as we were going to be driving for hours alone on the roads on sketchy terrain. But fuck it, no time for pussy footing around the matter as we had to collect our van.
After a quick briefing on installing the snow treads we hit the road, grabbed our last proper meal for the next two weeks and stocked up on supplies. At this point I had around $2000 in my bank and expecting a nicely sized bond to return from the flat. This was to somehow last me five weeks of travelling until I found a job in Perth and received my first pay check, supposedly.
We found a free campsite in a small collection of houses called Teviotdale about a one hour drive north of Christchurch meaning we were on the east coastline of the south island. It was a quiet and peaceful sleep which was a great start to the trip, I was in shock of how cold it was waking up in that thing though. To be honest, the next four or so days were pretty tame, we had awful weather and didn't get stuck into any mountain range yet. Don't get me wrong, it was still gorgeous landscapes all around and I actually liked the moody vibe it gave off, I knew the good shit was soon to come though.
Here's what went down.
Kaikoura, -42.421911, 173.712519
The second day it rained, we hung out with some seals and continued to kit ourselves out in K-Mart gear. I managed to grab some photos that I wanted to get for a while, inspired by some of the folk, beanie wearing, weird hair cut type of photographers I follow.
Our first slice of action actually came into play on the second night of the trip. I was the google mapper and Jaden was the driver, I found us what I could only workout to be a real nice lakeside area that we could just park up next to and sleep. Thats the beauty of New Zealand, you can camp near enough anywhere. The lake was called Lake Grassmere.
We kept driving down a pitch black winding road until we met the ocean on Marfell's Beach, not a single sign of another person in sight. As we pulled into a grass clearing there was only one person there, what looked like a Breaking Bad setup and one dude living there. I wasn't keen on the spot, Jaden however decided to drive on slowly round the corner which happened to be a downslope into a much smaller grass clearing.
"Jaden.. err what are you doing?"
I ask in a polite and calm tone trying my hardest to ignore the fact that she just drove us down a wet grass hill and nobody but my skinny arse and Walter White back there to push us out.
How in God's name, are we going to get ourselves out of this one.
Moments of panic and problem solving in the great outdoors like this, I tend to thank my childhood and teenage years of spending more time out in the fields building dens, bridges, fires and other Ray Mears related skills. Not that I made any of these to help us out of the situation but I often refer back to the moments similar in the past where mother nature has made things difficult for me and I showed her the door.
We were stuck, may as well have been parked on black ice with slicks on the van. I remained calm as I didn't want to scare Jaden even though I knew if my idea didn't work we'd have been proper fucked. Nobody, not a single house nor street lamp for at least a good 8 - 10 miles. Oh, apart from Walter in the back there tucked up on the grass clearing we are trying to drive back up onto.
In cold and dark night I step out of the van with a plan, I was going to use the snow chains (which cost an extra $40 and were optional) to give us at least some traction in the wet and muddy grass. How hard can they even be to fix onto the wheels anyway? Holy motherrr they were a fucking nightmare, the only light we had was my phone torch which Jaden was bravely holding for me and the cold temperature made it mega painful on the fingers. The method consisted of handling freezing cold chains in order to reach half your body into and around the back of the wheel arch to then defy the laws of gravity and clip two metal pieces together.
Managed to get them on, almost gave up twice and was prepared to sell my body for parts to the perfectly innocent bloke in the back I keep on accusing of being a crystal meth cook (is that even what you call them?).
The next step to the plan was for Jaden to perform a perfect 14 point turn with me pushing her out every turn. It was a slow process but she managed to get the van lined up. The first couple of attempts at driving up the hill failed, we simply had too little of a run up. The more we tried, the muddier it got and that could only mean worse things. I assessed the room she had behind her and it wasn't a lot, I guided her back slowly with about 2ft left before the back wheels were submerged in Shrek's swamp. Not to forget the van at this point was also half way into an overhanging tree.
On the count of 1...2...3... gasssss!
Boy did she roar, all I could see were specks of mud from the wheels rapid firing into my pupils until I could see no more, I couldn't let go until the van slowly made it away from my camouflaged palms, I then fell onto the ground, knees first, then hands.
I look up, she made it.
Lake Grassmere -41.723984, 174.196510
Immediately after we got the van out of the dark and stressful pit, we left the area and drove just down the road we originally got here on and found a nice road side clearing, it was truly a peaceful sleep.
The following morning came, it was damp, peaceful and gloomy. I liked the aesthetic that came with it and still there was not a soul in sight other than the marshland wildlife. Even though it was only our second day on the trip and we both knew it was supposedly the more tame area of the island , neither of us seemed excited or dare I say it, grateful to be there. Of course, the weather was dreadful but it's not in our spirits to get put down by that, I guess when you come from living in a place surrounded by white sand beaches and aqua green water, spending your savings to visit a rainy and cold beach with not a single kook in sight it doesn't get those spirit levels rising too well. Having said that, we had to remain high hoped about the days to come, there must be a reason why New Zealand holds a special place in people's heart.
Now, I understand that saying this I've most likely offended at least a handful of tree huggers and everybody who plays "Ocean Eyes" in their Instagram stories to an out of focus video looking down at their feet in toe deep water. I'm not one of those people though and this blog will show the honest side of travelling.
We made a decision, seeing as the weather was looking to rain all day everyday for the next five odd days, we thought there was no point in hanging out along this coast and seeking the silver linings. Let's just get ourselves and this hideous van up to the north of the Island and find some mountains. That way, it got us where we needed to be in time for the good weather because we were bound to get some and that was where we had planned on getting out all day hiking and exploring properly. The next couple days we continued on route to get where we need to be, Abel Tasman Park.
[location unknown]
Turn after turn,
hill after hill,
I've spent all my earn,
I'm now down to nil.
For the wine enthusiasts amongst you, we're now driving through Marlbourgh. For the people who don't care, it's still raining.
At last we made it to Nelson, this was the largest populated place we had been so far since Christchurch and it was raining non stop with those dark menacing clouds. I didn't take any photos there, usually I'd regret that but in this case I didn't want to waste my battery. Time for a visit to their information center and attempt at reassuring ourselves that New Zealand has things that will be worth our time, because at this rate we may as well be in Northern England. I sound like a little bitch for moaning, when you've spent half your savings on a two week trip and it doesn't show signs of turning out to be a good time for the first four or so days it's really a bit of piss take.
We used this time in the visitor center to pocket their travel leaflets and make a plan to cover the next part of the trip. This was nice.
I remember the drive out of Nelson so well, it was the first time we saw the sunset and it lifted our spirits by a country mile. It wasn't even that good of a sunset either but it goes to show how a little can make up for a lot at times of need. Super long straight roads, gas stations lining either side, hardware stores, fishing tackle stores you name it, it was certainly a harbour trade town. Not that I've ever been, but Alaska came to mind, especially as the mountains sat miles away but so large they felt near.
The final leg of the drive to the campsite was a steep under construction mountain road, pitch black out too so Jaden and the van were put to the test.
Cock a doodle doo,
Jaden's eating poo.
Waking up the next morning I was met with the only thing I could wish for, sunshine and blue skies. It was a beautiful feeling of relief and tranquillity. Just imagine spending four days of dark wet weather, when you have to have the lights on inside during the day, to a crystal clear blue sky with nothing but golden lit mountains surrounding you.
We were in the Abel Tasman National Park (just about), most people seem to go and explore the open waters but apparently nowhere in the country will hire you a kayak at all during winter so we had to make another other plan.
This mean danger, risk and adventure. All the reasons why I was on the Island in the first place. After studying the maps in the visitor center the previous day we found a nice looking walk which included a long winding drive to the top of the mountains. I was particularly excited because after all my research online I found no confirmation that the road we had to take actually fully existed or if it was in a safe condition to drive on. Google maps showed the road cutting off halfway around the mountain and all the forums I rinsed said it could be in an unsafe state. Let's go for it I say.
After scoffing breakfast we hit the road continuing up the mountain until it tipped us over into the next valley.
Somewhere out there.
The time for our first slice of true adventure had begun, after levelling ourselves down to the valley bottom we found the turn off which took us through some farms and over some cute bridges. I felt the pressure because Jaden was trusting me that this road I found wasn't going to suddenly end, if Google maps was anything to go by thats actually how it looked but I had a good feeling that it continued. A large amount of the navigation on this trip involved zooming in on my phone so much to the point it only showed the hairline roads and me making the gamble wether or not it lead to anywhere we needed to go. I loved this, I was in my element.
The smell in the air was glorious, fresh water rapids rushing past the gravel road even sometimes almost at eye level, no other cars on the track, what more could you ask for from your morning commute. We had been slowly cruising round each turn, sometimes blind, the point on my map which showed the road to end had approached us with good news, it continued in the direction we needed it to however the road condition changed significantly to a bumpier much courser gravel.
The technique Jaden took was slow and steady, probably the best way of doing it in a clapped out backpacker van. I'm pretty sure it took us another hour and a bit of climbing up this tight cornered mountain-side road. Reaching the top was a big relief, the view was mega and there was a small mountain hut that hikers can clock into as well as all the trail information. It came to our surprise when a bloke in a pick-up pulled up near us, he was a nice guy and offered some guidance. He basically said we'd be absolutely fine to drive all the way down to the end of the lake and back before the storm hits. We exchanged conversation about the weather and he told us about the husband and wife who used to live down at the lake. Speaking to him gave me great reassurance that New Zealand wanted us there and was happy to show us a good time. We said our farewell and hopped back into the van to explore the end of the lake which if you see below, is tucked up and round the corner there towards the snow capped peaks.
Cobb Reservoir -41.106040, 172.692143
A perfect place for a spot of lunch, as usual now, you guessed it, not a single soul in sight. The silence was mesmerizing, as were the views. Fucking baltic though, that wind could take your face off so you had to use your layers wisely.
We hide in the van away from the blast,
before our depart we fill up our flask,
the storm behind rolling in fast,
a drive back to Nelson is our next task.
Driving back south to reach Nelson again then turning right at the traffic lights to head west across and into the island. It was night time and we were all cosy in the van, relieved from the wind but satisfied from the taste of adventure that the day served, it was exactly what we needed.
We made our way to a small village called Merchison and found a campsite.
The campsite was our first paid stay as we needed to recharge the batteries for the van, neither of us had the balls yet to shower in the van due to the fear of it possibly being ice cold water. Yes I know thats a long time having not showered but we go even longer without later on in the story. The van was simple to plug in and it meant we had a guaranteed hot shower and made full use of the inside lights as the power was coming from the campsite. My shower was heavenly, I no joke had not felt warmth since arriving in New Zealand, it was so cold that when we woke up in the morning sometimes the previous nights washing up had frozen over. This was possibly the hardest aspect of the trip, it constantly being cold and even the simplest of chores like moving around the van with no shoes on or turning the gas on outside was made to be a thing of fear. Even though this campsite had a toilet wastage unit I couldn't strike up the courage to empty her out, I made the excuse to wait until theres at least three more arse cigars in the tank and then I will dispose.
The following morning soon came round and our goal was to reach the west coast by early afternoon and end up a little of the way down south along the coastal road. It was a foggy start to the day which is always a good sign for sunshine.
Buller River -41.862670, 171.782492
At the end of the drive along the deep forest roads, a new and refreshing change of scenery awaited our arrival.
Carters Beach -41.747631, 171.557993
The bitter air had dropped, sunglasses were on and the waves were rolling in as far back as the eye could see. Even though directly behind us stood the mountains we had just driven through, it felt like a totally different place in the world, once again a new lease of life had greeted us at a new destination. Things were falling into place and the adventure took a positive turn.
I think it became clear to us that the beach is both our drink of choice, I was keen to get involved in the head height waves out there but the chances of me freezing or finding myself washed up on a different South Pacific island were looking high. After driving further south along the coastal road, which hadn't properly shown itself off yet, we park up behind a hillbilly pub to stay the night. I ate my first fast food meal too, unfortunately it was a McDonald's, this made no difference to the smile it put on my face.
On average our day would start just before 7am, sometimes earlier like 6am or sometimes later around the 8am mark, this all depended on what we were doing the next day and if we had to travel to a place that we wasn't staying in which was usually the case. I took the hit every morning of getting out of bed first to turn the gas on outside the van and make us coffee, bit of a legend really. For those of you who have never road tripped, they are very tiring, 100% worth it but they really do take it out of you as they're no easy holiday. I'd argue that they can everyone a bit of good.
Our next stop was to be to see some blow holes, they're basically rock formations that when the waves push inside the rocks, the water rises and spits up into the air a load of spray.
Here's the commute, Jaden said it reminded her of Hawaii.
I can't stress enough that even though these photo's are taken from a roadside viewpoint, they reflect the last hour or so on the road, this is one thing that blew my mind about the country. It does what it says on the tin and that tin is everywhere you look.
Punakaiki -42.115645, 171.329801
Stupidly I took no photos of the blow holes, imagine the photo above on the left but with a 15ft vertical spray of water out the top of the cliff. We were both impressed, the small tourist attraction was cute and had a nice layout, it also felt nice to be amongst other humans, the last few days have been isolated so we enjoyed the company and atmosphere of other tourists. Christ.. never thought I'd say that.
We made the most of the three-ish hours of daylight left and continued to stretch our legs. There was a mellow walk that started just down the road so we gave it a go.
Something then happened which has never happened before, I could not believe it and still to this day question if it really happened.
Jaden was right, I was wrong. A world first.
It's really not that interesting for you nor does it contribute to this story but I'll give her this little moment of glory. She said the path we was on ended when it met the river whereas my opinion, a very adamant opinion, was that the path continued along the river and that it would keep on going the way we wanted it to. Pretty lame I know, I have to share these rare moments.
After I faced defeat we made it back to the car and parked up at another walk, this one had a bridge and a jungle.
We had a great plan for the next day which was to check out the Franz Joseph Glacier, it was to be the first iconic site so far on the trip and I couldn't wait even though I knew it was going to be a hotspot for bus loads of binoculars and 3/4 lengths.
So after we finished this small hike in the jungle we actually still had some daylight to play with which made the commute to where ever we decided the camp was quite pleasant. It's harder than you think, finding a place to stay only using your laggy phone maps, you'd think it's super easy finding a good spot weather its a proper campsite or just a parking spot in Earth's back garden. We could only afford a limited amount of powered campsites on the trip because they cost about $40 and we didn't have that money, thankfully New Zealand provides "donation campsites" where you chuck some money into a pot and get a ticket or some of the older sites you can get away with not paying at all which isn't good I'll admit but we feel good for donating when we could.
It was another very early start to the next day, the weather was beautiful, I remember the road gradually took us away from the coastline and into the valley between the mountains leading to the glacier site. We took a quick roadside slash and continued our pilgrimage to the ice.
I would describe the village of Franz Joseph to be like a little Austrian Alps resort tucked away into the green mountains. Great relief met us when we read the local maps too as we saw that the walk from the car park to the glacier was going to take up a good amount of time and energy as we still felt like we hadn't truly stretched the legs yet.
Franz Joseph Glacier Park -43.435303, 170.169618
As much as I don't want to admit it, the glacier was far away, like well far.
If theres one thing that seeing these beautiful spots in the world shows you, it's that what a massive cock up us lot are for destroying it. I'm not sure if The Great Barrier Reef was as much of a fun experience as it was a sad one.
On a positive note, there wasn't crowds of tourists everywhere and it was a really calm morning out even though the glacier was anti-climactic to say the least.
A gravelled pathway lead us back to the carpark and we got on the road again, spirits were high and the sun was prime.
"BrriiiDDGEE!"
That's what I used to say.
Every.. time.
There's just something about a good bridge right, especially when it's taking you over a glacier river, and has a backdrop that Bob Ross couldn't even paint. As we followed this road it took us back to the coastline edge, up and along a cliff, no complaints.
We pulled up in Bruce Bay for a peaceful afternoon activity, watching the waves from the warm seats of our van, a coffee in our hands with a slow background track from the likes of Palace.
I feel like the daylight was longer on this particular day, we got so much more done in the light and even made it to our next stop before sunset.
Now, it was at this point that the adventure took a turn. I can't quite put my finger on it as to why and how it changed, all I know, is that New Zealand touched my heart in a way that the Harry Potter films never could.
Haast Beach -43.860456, 169.002888
Haast Beach was our stop for the night and we still had enough time to grab a coffee/beer and get a nice feel for the area. It was nothing short of a tiny village tucked behind the sand dunes after the beach, next to a glacier river mouth with mountains every angle you looked towards the inland.
The establishment that hosted our coffee/beer was bizarre, I believe it was a hotel and we were in the restaurant and bar area. It was dated, I'm saying it's last re-decoration was in 1985 and the crowd that sat in there was a small collection of tradesmen and perhaps the odd tourist. To truly set the mood, on the wall mounted tv, MTV or something similar but low budget was playing. The song that I remember seeing up there was Seal - Kiss From A Rose. I'm listening to it right now as I type and it's painting this picture of the hotel atmosphere. So 90s it hurts, how can you take a guy seriously when he's wearing a white linen shirt that's blowing in the wind.
I'd say now is the time to grab another beer or pour that second cup of tea, let's not rush the good part of the story.
This trip means so much to me that I know I cannot explain properly just how phenomenal the journey was and how the Island made us feel. I suppose that's what makes our memories the treasure that they are, it makes them so personal. The memories I hold from this trip, and for that matter, all of my travels fill me crimson with happiness, excitement and hungry for more.
From here on, these are the most tranquil and silent moments I've experienced, ones that stopped the world from spinning in that split moment as I breathe the cold Kiwi air.
Lost for words.
I've attempted to string together a handful of different ways now to help you understand how stunning this sunset was, not just the sky but the sound of the constant waves, moon, stars, nobody else on the beach, the list goes on. None of which done it justice.
After the moving experience on the beach I found a potential free camp spot not far from there. I had figured out that if we drove down the road which followed the length of the beach (4 miles of it) there would be a beach clearing just off the road. There were several of these thankfully to choose from, as it was pitch black out it wasn't ideal for anyone scared of the dark. Not that I am, I got over that years ago because as a kid I was the only guy who had to bike past the church graveyard on the way home from playing out in the village. Never would have thought that would come in handy on a road trip in New Zealand hey.
So we found a most perfect spot to park up, it was our best find yet, under the stars, nobody for miles and pretty much on the flippen beach. I took this opportunity of a clear night to try my luck at star photography on the beach while Jaden got cosy in bed. If the photos went well I would chuck them in around about now, but they didn't. Both tired as mice (just isn't a saying) I returned from the beach and got the van ready for us to sleep. I was well chuffed with this camp spot and couldn't wait to wake up on the beach!
Lights off...
My eye lids gain weight as I get closer to bed, I am stopped as I undress for bed, a distant sound of an engine gains in volume, louder and louder. My ears focus on the noise as I wonder why somebody would be driving down a road that goes to nowhere at this time of night. I alert a very cosy and tired Jaden, trying to remain cool but cannot ignore the fact that this engine noise must be no further than 100 meters away now and whoever is driving must of had a lead foot and a white nose. Suddenly bright full beam lights wharp into the small beach clearing and through our van windows like a laser beam. It was at this point that we heard the screams what I instantly pictured to be a truck load of rednecks. Like, seriously, it was scary mate. We didn't dare look out the windows and I quickly mapped out in my head any escape routes or how we can hop in the front of the van and pin it. They continued to drift and doughnut close to the van, screaming and screaming, we must have looked like bream in the eyes of a shark to them. I thought to myself how stupid I was to let us stay here the night, begging in my head for them to fuck off. It's not often something like this happens to us.
They spun off out of the dunes and back up the road leaving nothing but tire marks and empty beer cans. We looked at each other in confusion and fear, as much as we wanted to get back in bed I made the decision that we leave and find somewhere else to stay but holy fuck we were so tired. This didn't matter though, I wasn't going to risk being the front of tomorrow morning newspaper as the vulnerable tourists who got mugged in Haast Pass.
Our only local option for a place to stay was to risk a fine in a carpark or just pay for a payed site which is what we chose to do. I woke up the lady working the night shift at the site and we slept. I still can't believe that happened, imagine though if we stayed put and they took note of where we were. That would have been a different story.
After waking up alive to a gorgeous and crisp morning, we got our arses out of Haast Pass, put the bad vibe behind us and hit the road which took us through the most stunning mountain range. Rich green trees, snowcapped peaks and the glacier river set the scene for the morning commute to the first stop of the day. The Blue Pools, I think that's the only name they go by.
The drive continued to get more beautiful as it lead us deeper inland into the heart of the peaks and the river it danced it's way along side grew richer in colour. As we passed countless roadside viewpoints we chose to get out and have a look to skim some stones across the Gatorade river for a short while.
It must have been one of the warmest days by the time we reached the car park for the Blue Pools, tourists were loving it as was I.
Blue Pools -44.164851, 169.276230
I really enjoyed the Pools, they didn't disappoint and our time there came to a natural end once the Americans of course stole the show and had to jump into the ice cold water. Always a pleasure getting to hear their accents scream to one another whilst in the beautiful silence of nature. Always.
The river departed from our journey once we drove out into the open valley en route to Wanaka, a small mountainous town attracting the snowboard and ski enthusiasts of the southern hemisphere. I was excited to see what a ski town looked like as I have never been to a place like that before. The only time in my life I had ever seen people enjoy a winter slope was one snow/mud day at Ely's Cherry Hill Park, good times ay.
It was so windy down by the lakeside, my lovely warm coat that was keeping my nips toastie, actually blew off me and landed on Jaden, funny that.
The road wound its way round the lake and in between two mountains so that it followed alongside the lake next to it. Quite hard to explain but the road was heavenly, it was a light grey with the orange/yellow marks so it felt like a North American road, not that I've ever been on one.
Time passed slowly into the afternoon, we cruised on through and were soon parked up in Wanaka, great first impressions accompanied by a great coffee.
Wanaka was the perfect place for us to be at this point, it had some good cafes, wifi and a supermarket. The importance of wifi spots on this trip is actually unreal, without them we had no maps and navigation. So any chance to connect and download the next 100km of our journey we took.
The only eventful thing to happen for the remainder of the day was me, emptying the toilet unit for the first time. It took me by surprise when I experinced how little there is to the elegant process.
You simply just slide out the 15 odd litre tank full of slushing piss and shit, unskrew the lid like you would a bottle of Voss and pour the human produce into the literal, hole in the ground along with the rest of New Zealand's happy campers crap. However, it wasn't quite as pleasant as that may sound because instead, you slide out the overfilled tank from the van, realise you should be wearing gloves, unscrew the cap of which is the only thing holding in the nuclear waste. Then, once your nostrils have been burnt clean and the hole in the ground is glowing, you get the fun game of aiming the piss and shit into the small hole, remember you're wearing the shoes you wear 80% of the time, they now have a new cream/brown colour-way. To finish the performance, you simply take a bow to the public, because they put this thing in plain sight from the streets, and re-attatch the tank to the bottom of the toilet.
All in a days work, except that you're paying to do it.
Wanaka -44.695098, 169.134081
We payed a small fee to sleep near town and woke up at 5am to climb Roys Peak.
The climb was not too steep, yet I still broke a sweat. It felt great to be doing something we both wanted to have done days ago.
Surely one of the best parts of hiking is experiencing the change in temperatures and harsh weather, I love how everyone plays to the mountain's rules, nobody gets their way. Not that this hike, in any way was an extreme climate shock, it was really mellow and anyone can do it but it was just high enough to get us into a slightly finer air and near ice cold temperatures.
We done our countries proud that day, conquering New Zealand one view at a time. The hike took us just over the estimated time at around 6 hours to the top and back. It was nothing like the climb I done in Australia's Queensland though, probably for the best too.
If you are ever in Wanaka I 100% recommend you try this hike, it's super chill with just a bit of effort and there is the option to continue further up the peak if you wish, this is one of the most popular hikes on the island also.
Something we actually found to be an issue was that so many of the beautiful hikes we drove past, were about 3+ days return, some even 6 day return. This meant that we couldn't commit to a lot of the hikes as it would ruin our itinerary for the two weeks, yes, you heard it.. I had an itinerary.
Once again, a long walk had set us up perfectly for the rest of our day and gave us a chunky time slot to slalom our way down to Queenstown where we had a chushty powered site booked for the night.
As cliche as it may sound, words really can't describe the true feeling of being there, it's so much more than the views and adventures of the trip that I want to describe.
This moment here for example, those photos are bringing back to me how I felt about arriving in Queenstown, the early evening blue light that dimmed the mountains, the snowcapped peaks that never ended and who has ridden them backcountry style. As I write whats in my mind I constantly am reminded of even more snapshots of the journey, sometimes it's snippets of road, a particularly pleasing corner or perhaps it's a gas station shop that dented the wallet $100 NZD a pop. The curiosity of leaving the last place and driving into the next not knowing if you're going to be disappointed or fall in love with the place.
All of this was a daily occurrence on our trip, this is what grows the heart strong with memories.
Queenstown that night was very cold, we checked into a lovely site and both showered. Both of us were very hungry which is not usually the best formula to use with Jaden and I. Mainly because of her though, I'm actually a bit of an angel.
We came to our first falling out, it was nothing too deep and I can't recall what I said nor what she said. I can assure you though, if theres one part of the trip that she remembers it's going to be everything I said that evening, even though it was all rational, of course.
We walked around in the Arctic temperatures of Queenstown, in silence as it was getting to the point of kitchens closing and our options were limiting by the second. In the end we settled for pizza in a restaurant/backpacker bar.
As I had been a (hate to say it) "backpacker" in Australia about a year prior, I was intrigued as to what a New Zealand backpacker type was like. This was my first encounter with the species and I treated myself to a few sly observations of the pool tables in the rooms that were surrounded by them. I would say the New Zealand backpacker, from my short encounter, is at least a GCSE B average, probably done Duke of Edinburgh, can ski but learning to snowboard and hates cockroaches.
Queenstown -45.033349, 168.661253
Queenstown proved itself to be our kryptonite, I didn't think we would fall out again after last night's fiasco, ohh boy was I wrong. I shan't go into too much detail but I'll say that I was of course in the wrong. It was a great shame though, I know we both really wanted to enjoy the cute lakeside town, however lack of sleep and long drives get the better of some. We ended up spending about three hours apart entertaining ourselves which got interesting after Jaden threatened to leave me there for ever. For a second I believed her made a rough plan for how I will survive and get myself home without my passport.
I treated myself to a Fergburger, a highly regarded burger joint.
This was about the second time I ate meat, if not the first since being in New Zealand. I made a promise to Jaden that I would be veggie for the trip excluding any time we might eat out. Honestly, it's such an easy change to make or at least to cut down. I'm not an animal rights activist at all but I do believe people should at least try and cut down red meat or even all meat in their diet. You feel good for it.
My rating of the Fergburger was 9.1. It was very big, gorgeous fresh ingredients used even for their classic cheeseburger. The score would be higher if the bun was brioche or just something slightly more moist. All 'n' all, lovely bit of squirrel.
Highlight of Queenstown - I found creme brûlée flavoured fudge.
The afternoon was coming to an end as Jaden had joined me in the van at the unfortunate time of me using the facilities after a days worth of holding in. We sat in silence that we broke occasionally to as short questions to do with what we got up to.
I think were we bonded again was over how much of a fail Queenstown was due to our fall out. The relationship between near enough any two-some or group is delicate when traveling together. You see each other at their most tired and exhausted moments, hunger and other general survival hurdles affect the relationship massively. Another key element to our bitter moments is all down to money, you can't just cure things with a nice cafe trip or what ever food you want, you have to CONSTANTLY be wise and careful with spending when you go into a trip with little funds like we had.
It makes you stronger, I'll tell you that for free.
Nightfall came and we hit the road, leaving the cosy chalet style estates behind and stocked up on supplies for the next chapter, because where we were going, there was no margin for error.
I'm a simple fen boy at heart. That means my greatest satisfaction in life apart from burning red diesel, is getting the majority of my possessions covered in dirt and leaving them like that so that everyone can see how much of a legend I am.
We found an absolute stunner of a free campsite situated at the opposite end to the lake as Queenstown, unlucky that we had to drive the scenic road and turn up to the site in the dark but we knew we'd come back to it. The site was nestled into the trees and sloped down to a small gravel area were the calm water was gently met. We couldn't see a great deal and some of the good spots were already taken seeing as it was about 9pm. This time it was a mutual and thought-out decision to roll down the small slope nearing the lake and park up where it levelled out, just to the point that we were still under gravel and not the grass.
The plan was to travel down to a place called Milford Sound which is a Fiordland of that part of New Zealand. Apparently it's hectic. I booked us a boat tour for the afternoon giving us enough time to get up and bang out a 3+ hour drive in uncertain road conditions. A big rumour that passed round the camper culture was the notorious road down to Milford Sound. It was a road through the mountains with nothing along the way, no gas stations, shops, houses, farms, it was pure Planet Earth until 3-4 hours later you reach the end. That is where you find the tiny boat harbour and information center for the Milford Sound tours. You can't get lost as it's only one road but the danger comes once you break down, hit heavy snow, crash, road block from avalanche, forget to fill with gas etc. This was the original reason why we got the snow treads.
All of the uncertainties and serious hazards resulting in death, got me so excited to experience the road. However, it wasn't a day road tripping with Jaden and Alf without a bit of morning drama.
We rose early, must be about 6:30am, to light drizzle which had fallen all night. Of course this meant getting our van up and out of the campsite wasn't going to happen without a few leg stretches and mild hyperthermia.
In an attempt to learn from our mistakes last time, we made no errors by driving too far onto the grass and played the same tactics as before, Jaden drives and I command. Our first option was to reserve the van on the gravel and gain enough speed from my massive strong arms pushing the van to then get it up the grassy, wet and bumpy hill. Nothing was going to work in our favour, another thing that fuels my love for nature. It was also mutually decided that we weren't going to make our boat tour that day so I rung up and cancelled after the first 10 minutes of trying to get her out, before I lost the use of my hands.
We noticed that another couple were too trying to get their van out of the same situation. This made everything much better. I walked up the hill to where their van was stuck and offered my help by pushing. They had a Sprinter van as their camper, it was colossal, and they were Italian. Similar to Jaden and I, they had the same formation, the lady drives and the man pushes. It was a frustrating one too as they only had to get the back two wheels off the grass hill and then they would be away.
He went to check with his partner again and again to pass on notes and helpful advice, he came back to me saying "bro, I looked to see the problem, she had it in neutral"...
After I exchanged laughter with the short, dark and handsome Italian fellow we called over another camper who had managed to drive herself up the van in one go. She was from Norway I think, a cool girl who said very few words, she reminded me of a sort of Nordic assassin type. Shortly after some successful heaving we got the van onto the flat road. Now time to get our vessel out.
The team gathered round and exchanged conversation with Jaden as I grin and bare the pain of installing the snow-treads. Honestly without those bastard metal chains, we'd still be there now. I announced a new route, Jaden had to very, very carefully perform a 6 point turn, an inch too far in any direction and the van was either stuck in the lake or stuck in a boggy puddle. The runway before the hill was about 20ft, really not far whatsoever so she had to treat the throttle with precision and we all had to push the van along until we fell over.
Morale in the team was high, subconsciously I knew that this was to be a cherished memory. I'm in New fucking Zealand with a girl from Canada I met in rural Australia while building grape vines, it's 7am, I'm covered in mud trying to push a piece of shit van out of a swamp with the help from an Italian couple who had been travelling together for 6 months (he said it was getting tough) and a hard nut Nordic chic who was a solo traveller/assassin. These moments deserve a song written about them.
After four messy attempts of the van trying to scatter it's way up the hill, we were loosing hope. The engine grew hotter and hotter each time from the revs it had to produce. The accuracy needed to get her out was crazy, if we didn't push hard enough Jaden would wheel spin meaning she would slide out of line, and even with the power she had to pretty much drift up the hill avoiding two tree stumps and a 2ft deep pit. The last attempt was magic, I felt like I was in the film Fury or 1977 with the black mud beating my face, steam pouring from our lungs, roaring engine and one by one, we fell to our knees as the van drew off from our hands. I look up as if I'm watching my team mate score the winning try in a Six Nations final.
TRY!
Two Italians, a Norwegian, a Canadian and a Brit. Some team.
Angry from the pain in my not quite numb fingers, happy from the teamwork and relief thanks to our international friends.
Either way, it makes me smile now.
I cooled off by warming up and tucked into my on the go breakfast, the creme brûlée fudge. There was now no hurry to reach Milford Sound so we cruised along the flat farmland roads where they kept deer, I've never seen farmed deer before. The only place between us and the destination was the last stop before the notorious drive to the Fiords, a small town named Te Anau.
The weather there was similar to what it is in my village today as I write, dark, grey and drizzly. It didn't help that every shop had "CLOSED FOR WINTER" signs stuck onto their front windows, this gave an eerie feeling and made a dull day even duller. We began to find these signs rather funny, they were in every shop and restaurant to be seen, we laughed at how boring this place Te Anau was. After a failed attempt to buy a bottle of wine without our I.Ds, we returned to the store prepared and made our way out of town towards Milford and begun the drive down the road of all roads.
After driving for about an hour, a stretch of six free camp spots popped up along the road. Not many had portaloos, some had a bench and none had residents. These were the most stunning camp site I've ever seen, this is a moment when New Zealand fully took me, the fact that you can park up and just sleep, undisturbed by the great walls of the snow capped mountains, and a stone throw away from a peaceful stream, it blew my mind.
We decided on a campsite, pulled the handbrake and shared a bottle of native Sauvignon Blanc, where the grapes had been grown in a region we passed about six days prior. Jaden fell asleep at 6pm too, so I had nothing to do but stare aimlessly out of a steamy window at the towering landscape, no complaints.
Milford/Te Anau Highway -45.105946, 167.963861
The morning was beautiful, as was my shit by the riverside. There's worse ways to start your day. Our commute to Milford Sound begun, we had a number of potential photo stops along the way, we had plenty of time too.
A valley photo shoot to start us off was a solid beginning to the journey along this heavenly road, it just got so much better as it gradually took us deeper into the mountains.
Hands down the best mirror lakes I've seen.
We stopped once again 30 minutes or so after the lake for a roadside wizz, Jaden's favourite. Then at the following location it didn't take long for the van to draw some attention, this time however it was the dragon sized birds on the roof, not because it's such an ugly van.
The tourists were left one or two photos short of the birds, and we had a boat to catch.
There was about 45 minutes to an hour of the journey to bang out until we were to arrive, to tell you the truth, I didn't want the road to ever end.
Due to our low bank balance we booked the cheapest Milford Sound boat tour for around 2pm ish. Not trying to sound narrow minded but I wasn't sure how much more you would get from booking with the nicer boat tours, maybe some ham sandwiches and a longer ride? We still got to cruise down the Fiord, the sun was also shining and it was our second encounter with travellers of a similar age too. We didn't talk to anyone.
Milford Sound -44.668326, 167.926513
As the boat held so many people, it wasn't an intimate tour which you come away from ready to tackle both teams on University Challenge on the topic of Pacific history. We expected this, however it was a nice adjustment from the van and we saw some waterfalls without having to walk anywhere for a change. I would raid google and insert some nice facts about Milford, but who wants to read about how Captain Cook discovered another part of the Southern Hemisphere.
My issue with these places is that as soon as tourism companies open up shop, you can only book, plan and pay to visit these places. It take away all it's beauty, curiosity and tranquillity. I'd definitely rather stumble upon a place half as epic as Milford Sound with just me and my friends than pay to join a boat ride with other tourists and a tour guide who never made it as a comedian.
To be honest, I left unimpressed, classic me I know. It was beautiful to say the least and actually a really lovely thing we done, however as a place that is plastered on the front of countless online blogs and leaflets, I would've thought it was going to steal my heart. Don't let me stop you from visiting though, if you listened to my opinion all the time you'd miss out Fraser Island too.
Having said that, I'll still admit Milford Sound is one of Earth's most stunning places.
There was one thing on my mind and one thing only, the only road out of here was the same length of holy tarmac that got us there.
As we had camped on the same stretch the previous night we chose a different site to spend our rest. It was just as sublime.
Even though our boat tour at Milford Sound that day didn't blow my mind, slightly anticlimactic. I was so happy we done it because we would have never of driven this road otherwise, the two sleeps we spent there were two of my favourite also. Roadtrips I feel, majorly can be dictated by the campsites you visit.
In this case, New Zealand was world class.
As we made our way back inland on my favourite road the weather turned darker into a misty late afternoon which suited our cosy mood perfectly. For tea that night we most likely chose the best tinned soup we had stored in the van's kitchen, it was netting strapped up to the walls and it actually worked quite well.
I tell you what, now that I live back at home in the UK and get nice food everyday made for me, courtesy of Mum and sometimes myself, the thought of eating what I did whilst travelling and in hostels with $5 in the bank does not put me off that lifestyle in the slightest.
Yes, it gets to you after a while of eating genuinely nasty meals made from ingredients you may not have payed for, or ones you found in the shared kitchen, but you learn to love the truly simple moments of a nice meal and it begins to get funny as you're sat with your mates eating the shiiitest meal to end a long day. Gotta love it.
Anyway, big day tomorrow, night.
Without surprise, the morning that met us after our well deserved sleep was delightful.
The plan was to drive back to Queenstown, sponge a cafe's internet and power sockets in order to get something we both were hesitating to do this whole time. We had to book our flight out of New Zealand to Bali which was where we planned to meet treasured friends Bill and eventually Kip.
This was going to seriously eat into our funds and that scared us. Booking these things this way is never fun, it sounds cool talking about it, you know, the whole last minute casual "where shall we book our flight to" sort of act but when you're left with about $1000 AUD it's not a fun time trust me. Maybe if I was a bit older with good savings it wouldn't be so crucial to save any penny where I can. It had been a good few months by this point of constantly thinking, "do I really need that $1.70 pack of biscuits?".
Our way back to Queenstown that morning was peaceful and we got to see everything we missed before, due to the night time.
Not much to report on our second visit to Queenstown, we near enough sat in a cafe for 4 hours, I had to message Bill for at least two hours back and fourth making sure all the dates and plans suited the group. That took it out of me, by the end of our 4 hours we had booked flights in and out of Bali and the first weeks villa.
In hindsight we got a hell of a lot for our money, wasn't our first rodeo I guess you could say.
As neither of us could bare the thought of cooking tea that night we grabbed a $5 Dominos on the way back to the van. For some reason in Australia and NZ Dominos does cheap deals, unlike the Uk. It must have been a Friday night judging by the crowds in Dominos that evening, it was an open view kitchen so we could see every part to the pizza making process. As entertaining as it was, I don't get a great deal of amusement in watching a newbie try their best in the workplace, this poor girl must have been on her first shift. The only experienced staff that were on shift at this point had to make pizzas faster than a one armed brick layer in Bangladesh.
Carnage.
She had a supervisor to watch over her but at the same time had to make boxes and I could barely watch them, I almost felt bad for ordering.
The taste of melted cheese on the warm thick dough was mesmerising. I think anything that was warm and had cheese on it was going to blow our socks of anyway after the ration issued food we had been eating.
We got out of QT as soon as the pizzas were devoured and moaned our way along the hillsides from the tiredness. Conversation was at a minimum because our brains could barely string a sentence together after the long day, this doesn't make looking for the campsite a fun task but an hour and a half later we parked up.
Lindis Pass -44.683915, 169.485567
This brings us to our last 3-4 days on the island, as ungrateful as it may sound Jaden and I were ready to get them done and sit our arses in a hammock gently swinging next to a Balinese villa pool. These last days felt so different to the rest of the trip, maybe it's because I knew we were leaving and Bali was on my mind, I tried to always stay involved in where I was though as I knew I wouldn't be back for a long time.
Living in the moment, being present.
Mount Cook is New Zealand's staple mountain, their Michael Jordan to NBA's basketball. We were yet to see for our own eyes it's towering beauty amongst it's neighbouring peaks. Even though we had seen and driven past the neighbouring mountains to Mt Cook, the clouds had always been too low to see it, this made the idea of finally witnessing the legend of the island in person all the more magical.
We made our way to Lake Pukaki, this was another beautiful hotspot on the island and if you were lucky with the conditions, the lake would glow with a bright glacial blue reflecting Mt Cook across it's stunning surface. It all seemed a bit unrealistic to me wether we would see such a sight.
Seeing as I had only emptied the throne underbelly once so far, it was decided that I opened the gates once again before the smell killed us in our sleep.
At this point, I genuinely can't tell you how many day I had been wearing the same underwear, socks, t shirt etc. Jaden hadn't taken off my thermal for about 8 days. Including sleep.
The day started overcast and we walked through a small stargazing town called Twizel. In this area of the island the thing to do is to drive along another very long empty road which ran along side the elegant lake, park up and walk one of their top draw tracks around the Mt Cook region. We planned to do this the next day after a good nights rest.
The sun then come out to play.
Lake Pukaki -44.175699, 170.164443
Nightfall soon came, we made our way back to the campsite which was not far away. It was a friendly site with a clean shower block and steamy water. It was so cold outside it hurt to expose any bare skin to the air, even inside the van and for a day or two I had picked up a cold/flu thing which made matters much worse, christ I was ready for Bali.
I spoke to an older gentleman in the bathroom and exchanged conversation about a couple places we had been so far as well as plans for the next stop. It helped to remind myself that I was soon leaving and won't be returning for at least a few years, let's make the most of it.
Something to remember at this point, every morning in the van would start from 6am-7am with the possibility of being earlier or later. In addition to this, those nights of sleep were unsettled to say the least, cooped up in the roof bed with ice cold/wet walls that if you touched would drop your temperature by what felt like 10 degrees. The mornings were so cold it stung to get out of bed, it was my job to wake first, turn on the gas tank outside and make the coffee. I'm not much of a pussy when it comes to the extreme cold, however being as unprepared as we were due to not owning real coats and good clothes it wore away at me slowly.
The early starts, late nights and sleep deprivation was the biggest challenge of the trip, just in front of the money issue.
Hunter Valley walking track was our plan for the following morning, to get there it required we drove along the Lake Pukaki again and continued further than before to get right into the mountains.
Jaden and I were yet again dissapointed to find out we could again, not do something we had on our list. We didn't need another reminder to tell us we came at the wrong time of year, kyaking was closed everywhere appareantly, the whole town of Te Anau was closed, now this walking track was because of the track conditions. The team spirit was clearly ready for Indo barrels.
Luckily, there were a couple walks at the same place however just not quite as epic, beautiful, breath taking, surreal etc. I took some photos but if I'm honest they're not mind blowers and pretty much taken at sea level.
Word soon got round in multiple languages and accents that about a further 20 minutes up the road was another car park with a couple walks.
After a brisk 10 minute skip up a hill we reached the top and looked at a green pond, it got it's colour from rain water and minerals in the mountains.
This was all there was in terms of official marked out walkways, from the view we could see another lake close by if we climbed across a garden of rocks and shimmied down a gravel hill.
When the lake came into our view, we were met with a surprise.
Tasman Glacier -43.702269, 170.171429
My first time seeing icebergs.
They were massive, even compared to the mountains that lay behind. New Zealand impressed me with this curve ball, it truly made me smile.
The icebergs stole the attention of my eyes the entire time at the lake, I never thought I would see them in person. As the weather was beginning to look as though rain was coming, we decided to call it a day and hop in the van.
Then it snowed for the first time. For about 5 big ol' minutes.
This road was mental, we spent at least 30 minutes taking photos and choreographing the perfect jump, we saw no more than 5 cars drive past.
The views were like a painting found in the Louvre.
Epic, in it's purest form.
The time was something like 3.30pm, our coats were no longer needed and the campsite was by the lake.
Safe to say we've had worse views to cook dinner to.
The last two days on the Island.
I don't know why but I didn't take any more photo's documenting the end of the trip, luckily for you though plenty went down and things took quite the turn south to really make the grande finalle.
So we woke up next to Lake Pukaki, it was a sunny and bright day. Lake Tekapo was just down the road and had more to offer in terms of shops and humans. It was a calm day we had there, window shopping and lakeside hopping seemed to be the go.
Thankfully Lake Tekapo has it's own ice hockey team which meant they had an outdoor ice rink. I found this quite exciting and my days of Ely Sports Center Friday night roller skating came into play. The rink was open to the public but hardly anyone was using it, one end of the rink was coned off with a dozen pucks and a goal.
The ice rink was a great idea as we fancied a mellow day out of the van, any chance to stay out of that thing we took. The fireplace was a bonus too.
After a sponsorship and team captain was offered to me, Jaden and I pushed our luck and snuck into the shower blocks to make use of a warm shower.
We pegged it back to the van and made our way down yet another empty country lane to find a place to sleep. It almost become another panic of not finding a sleeping spot, the winding lane took a while to open up onto a dirt clearing. Once again we had a late night, must have been around 10:30pm when we had the bed set up, there was one other small van in sight roughly 50 meters away.
We made sure to get up for sun rise, it was so cold in the van that washing up water in last night's food bowls had genuinely frozen over. Also, the photo's below were taken on an iPhone 6, there's never an excuse to not pocket a moment.
The morning walk wasn't long, lovely to be up and wondering before 7am when the sunrise is this welcoming.
Lake Alexandria -43.936917, 170.461167
Two hard weeks together can exhaust even the most angelic of people, the sunrise that morning was enjoyed in our own company. Partly because Jaden wondered off but it was refreshing to walk alone. That day we strolled the town once again and snacked in the van by the lake. I understand this is a very anticlimactic end to such a story entailed pilgrimage.
It got to the point in the day, around 2pm that we both agreed we were satisfied with what we had done in the area and that we should make our way back to Christchurch. Our flight the next day was an early afternoon departure so we had to make sure that our last night was located not too far from the Jucy van depot.
I found it all a bit crazy how we felt happy about leaving such a mind blowing place, although once you've seen the very best and slept under the stars in the best campsites you could imagine, the slightly less breathtaking areas with a bit less to do you find yourself in this mindset.
The drive to Christchurch was roughly 3 hours and we got spoilt with one last banger of a sunset. The tunes were blearing out and we hadn't laughed together like that the whole trip, we were super excited to get our broke asses out of New Zealand and live the rich life in Bali under the sun, sipping cocktails and racing mopeds.
We had our music pumping out so loud it was difficult to think, Drake beats, Kings of Leon riffs, house bangers, you name it. The smiles on our faces and laughter we exchanged had not made an appearance like this since Bondi, we both knew in a couple sleeps time we'll be waking up to the sweet sounds of a Balinese morning and never will we have to wave at another Jucy camper again like a bunch of happy Christians.
As the night sky rolled in we made it to Christchurch with plenty of time to do our mass load of laundry, pack and eat. The first stop was a strip mall launderette next to a busy road and you will not believe what happened.
Of course, a simple task was soon turned into an inconvenience as we were told the only way to use the machines was by using a specifically brought laundry credit score card which you had to go next door to the Chinese takeaway, awkwardly exchange basic english hand gestures with the staff and top up this credit card. This knowledge was passed onto us by a stocky farmers wife who was with her daughter. She saw that we weren't local and offered us her spare card which had about $5 left on it, just enough for the first wash or so.
Once to our relief, the rotten clothes we had kept on constantly for 2 weeks were in a soapy spin, it was our time to hop in the van and charge our phones, get our heads together and plan through the next 24 hours of travelling to Bali. Oh boy, the thought of waking up in that peaceful villa around 9am, moped to a cafe in nothing but boardies and an unbuttoned shirt was eating away at my brain. However, our thoughts were soon to be occupied by something else.
Stupidly, and I mean stuuupidlyyy I felt as though I didn't need my phone or wallet on me, I left everything in the van leaving us with the one phone that didn't have the NZ sim card in it. We returned to the van, like I said, just after the first wash commenced. I gently slide the key into the side door, just like you would when you slide the thermometer into a roast chicken to check the temperature. I understood it was a slightly sticky door lock, this wasn't good enough knowledge nor experience in using this door. Jaden is stood right next to me as I turn and face her as though I had seen a ghost.
"what the actual fuck" I say in fear.
"huh.. what's wrong?" Jaden softly replied in what was left of her Canadian accent.
I slowly pivot my stare to what is held between my thumb and index.
It was the key, the only key that unlocked and started up the van's engine. Half was left wedged in the lock and the other half was staring at me from my fingers.
I fucked up big time. Words cannot describe the thoughts of horror that ran through our heads at this moment in time. The problem was so bad we didn't even argue about it.
So let's step back a hot minute and think about the situation.
You're 11,784 miles away from home in a city you don't know anybody in. You have no phone or wallet. You have only the spare, spare clothes on that you wear whilst everything else is in a big wash. It's night time and you've been up since 6am. You're hungry, cold and just want to be at home sat at the dinner table listening to your family talk about the same shit that they've spoken about for the last decade. Also have no money to afford a tow truck or damage to company property.
Oh yeah, and you have a flight in 14 hours that you may not be at the airport for now.
Similar to all miracles and epiphanies, a wise boob lady (the farmers wife) was nearby and had put her wash load on almost exactly the same time as we did, this meant that including the wash and dry we had the farming mother and daughter for around an hour. Jaden and I approached the humble duo like a couple of shy girl scouts trying to flog home made cookies to local residents. In Jaden's cutest voice that she could possibly reach from the deepest, darkest corners of her soul, explained the moron that I had been and asked if we could borrow her phone.
Like any Kiwi would, she gave us her phone to make endless and nerve racking phone calls to the van company in a way that put them in the blame and avoided any, I mean ANY extra costs or tow trucks to collect us and jeopardise the flight tomorrow. During our time spent on hold we exchanged ideas with the kind lady, it was mostly her offering an arsenal of wisdom that we put to good use in our cunning plan.
I also kept thinking how mad this all was. A mother and daughter from a sparse farmhouse outside Christchurch were doing their weeknight wash, the daughter most likely had college the next day. Then we show up, two exhausted early twenty-somethings, one from Canada the other from England, who met in a shit hole of a hostel in rural Australia. All in this very launderette, on this cold winters night. I love it, the best memories come from these situations, you don't make this happen from your sofa at home.
Anyway so these were our options.
Option 1 :
"Come clean, pay up"
Make all the calls to the Jucy van hire, come clean and pay the price in our time and money by getting picked up via a tow truck, probably miss the flight.
"Fuck that option, we ain't paying those bastards shit maate" said Boob lady.
Option 2 :
"Ditch van now, stay with Boob lady's cousins"
Genuinely an offer she made or we could have stayed with her but she said it was quite far out of town.
Option 3 :
"Pick lock, start up, pray and drive"
This was promising but a slightly daunting thought of having no leeway to stall the van or we'd be fucked.
Option 4 :
"Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phillip - "Sorry Phillip." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"
My favourite idea that I came up with, the others weren't on board however.
Our decision was largely influenced in Boob lady's opinion, to help our confidence she slowly pushed her hand to the depths of her hoodie pocket to then reveal a black pen knife, that she just happened to be carrying.
"I'll see what I can do" she said with a confident smirk. At this point I felt like a useless, petal of a boy who couldn't probably tie his own shoelaces, I like to think this kind of problem would be my forte, not this time apparently.
We all stroll over to the van and she picks out the thinnest blade it had, the idea was to pull the reminder of the key out from the lock. Then we could attempt to put it back in slightly and use the knife to slot into the side and twist. Jaden and I take a glance of fear and hope at each other, not to my surprise the farmers wife pulled the key out in no time. The relief was overwhelming.
So as you may have gathered, the option we chose was option number 3. We had just blocked the bank cards that linked to the van rental company and Boob lady produced a successful win by retrieving the second half of the key from the van side door lock.
Step two was actually to unlock the side door, this took all of us to have a go and I think it was Jaden who managed it in the end. I jumped into the van with joy and pounced on my phone and wallet. Now for the real moment of hope, start the engine. So far we had only got our things back, not necessarily a good position to be in and still our heads were full of stress. If step three doesn't work then it meant we would have to either ditch the van in the car park and sleep, literally anywhere we could, or we get a tow truck out and pay the biiig price and potentially miss the flight.
As a team, a unit, a family, we shuffle round to the drivers door and Jaden perches herself onto the seat. Honestly, the emotions flying through my body at this point I will never forget, was I about to loose it all? Was I about to actually have to ditch a van in a car park? Were we going to make it to Bali? Time was soon to tell.
Jaden made the first attempt, then I, then Boob lady. We got nowhere, a 20% twist at most. Every angle we could've made was tried and tried. I was even less successful on my second try and option two was beginning to get mentioned at times of defeat.
Without warning, by the grace of God under the mumble of our cries, a vibration gradually lifts the van along with the choke of an engine.
The show was back, all thanks to the kindest of humans anyone could ever wish to meet in a time of need. It was a similar feeling to when you have $5 left and overdue rent, then you hear back from the job trial to find out you got the job, doesn't get much better in terms of the feeling of relief.
Not much time was left on the washes, we filled the time with jokes about what we would of had to do, where we were headed next and what to do with the van after the laundrette. It was then time to say our farewells to the mother and daughter, just to add to their kindness they presented us with the pen knife we used to pick the lock. To this day that knife sits in my bedroom, nobody knows it's story or significance but I think that perfectly reflects how humble, kind and special they were to us that night. So Boob lady from a farm near Christchurch, if you're reading, thank you.
After our clothes stopped their cycle we waved our saviours farewell and made our way to the van depot. We were nervous, tired and couldn't stop reassuring ourselves of the plan and that we were in the right. It was such a weird vibe to be in on our last night, we had each other's backs though and when comforting was needed we made sure to be there for one another. To refresh your mind on the plan and situation, we had about a 20 minute drive through Christchurch to get to the depot, it was about 10pm, we couldn't let the van stall or we'd have to use the knife to attempt re-starting the engine, we had to tidy the entire van in the morning whilst parked in a random space in their car park, you're also not allowed to sleep in this depot and we wasn't sure if come morning we'd have a whopper fine for breaking the key and various other breakages that were due to the shit van quality.
We made it to the depot in one piece, that was the first worry out of the way. I've never slept in an industrial park before and I won't be doing it again, it was horrible and I felt like somebody at any point would rob us or bang the windows to get us to move the van. I dunno, it was just a bad time. Next task was to prep for a very short nights sleep, all that ran through my mind was the image of us sipping cocktails down at Echo Beach, gazing at the surfers dance through hollow waves until the sun fell out of sight behind the Indonesian ocean and sky divide. These thoughts are what powered us at this point.
Thankfully the next morning came soon and we had to skip coffee and breakfast so that we could explain ourselves to the first staff member on sight that day. This was the moment of truth, the moment that our worries had built up to, were we about to get a bollocking for sleeping in the depot? Were we about to get our money taken from us for the damages? Would this cause us to miss our flight?
Jaden done the talking as I stood next to her holding an innocent and welcoming smile, the anti-climax of the confession was weight lifted from our shoulders. All the polite girl who worked for the van company said was that they will check over the van once we leave, we had no hurry to finish unpacking and they would still offer us a lift to the airport. Things were falling into all the places we needed them to, the last worry was the phone she said I shall receive to confirm the outcome of our damages I had done. We double checked our bank accounts had been blocked so they couldn't take our money and finally chucked all rubbish and unwanted items like the gear we brought for the trip in the bin. It felt fantastic to never see those boots again, shortly after we zipped the last zip on our luggage the airport shuttle rocked up.
Jaden and I felt like we could finally breathe again, I still had the slight anxiety of the phone call I was meant to be having about the verdict on what they want to charge us, we both discussed that surely the worst it could be was $100, that neither of us had. As we confidently walked into the main entrance of the Christchurch airport I received a phone call.
"Hiya mate it's James calling from Jucy Vehicle Hire, just calling in regards to the broken key that got reported to us, no worries about that mate I confirmed it as a company damage so you're all good to go mate"
"hi mate yeah, so.. it's free of char.. I don't have to pa.. you're not charging us?"
"yeah all good mate it's on us, have a good one bro"
Well I could have kissed the man. The smile on my face as I broke the good news to Jaden said it all, it's a great feeling finding out that you can live an extra 4 days on the money you have left. Bring on Bali.
So here we are, sat in another departure lounge waiting for the next adventure, whatever it may bring. The excitement to leave New Zealand actually made me feel guilty, maybe a little bad. We were sick of that piece of shit van, getting ripped off every left, right and center, the freezing cold, crap food and skanky clothes.
Do you know what though, an adventure with that many ups and downs with some moments of wishing you wasn't there, hands down make for the most cherished memories.
New Zealand you have blown my mind, I'll be back, hungry for more.
Thank you so much for reading.
Thank you Jaden for being there with me.
Catch you next time,
Alf x
